I don't know if its all the rain, or my feelings of isolation, or having a 3 year old paleontologist-wannabe in my house, or the dinosaur that was dropped in a (used) toilet this morning and required extra scrubbing and bleaching, or the cat scratching Evan again, or the tears and despair that accompanied it all (some of them Evan's).... frankly, it's been an un-fun beginning-of-the-end of the year.
2009 started out crappy. Let's just call a spade a spade, shall we? There's been a lot of un-good things going on. I don't want to whine and bitch (too much) so I'm not going into it all. Suffice it to say, death and destruction has been a major theme.
I have been looking for my happy. Truly. I've been trying really hard. And in the end, here I am--same person, same headspace. My happy is as elusive as are the words I'm struggling to find right now.
The bottom line: I need inspiration... inspiration not only for the season, but for moving forward--becoming better... finding "happy".
If happiness is a choice, then I choose it:
You hear me, gods of the overworld and underworld? I choose happy! So get out of my way and just let me have it!
In the meantime, one thing at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.
This moment is for me to just shut up and start creating an atmosphere of: joy ... gratitude ... peace ... love -- for both me and my son.
Good luck. Honestly, I read a lot of your posts and just want to yell "oh sweetie!!!" and run and give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteSo consider yourself hugged.
A hug is definetly in order. I get in a funk and decided to pull out the christmas movies. I have a 3 year old grandson that spends his days here with me. It is wonderful to have him this year to start believing in this wonderful jolly old man we call Santa Claus. I have other grandkidslike (10) but that is for another post. We started out watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and me explaining the Santa thing to him.Before I knew it we were watching The Santa Clause(my favorite movie to watch with the kids)
ReplyDeleteNow he is excited and I am excited.It is excitement(spirit) that needs to be shared.Passed on from one to the other. We are all excited now and he wants to watch it again. Hope this helps get you into the spirit. Children they are just waiting to experience everything. All you have to do is show them the way.By doing this you to can find your way to your happy.
I've been there, when my two eldest were little I was on my own - alot. Not as much or for as long as you but I, too, was very unhappy. It took me a long time to admit that the thing that would make me/us happier was to uproot my family, leave the home we had built and the life we thought we wanted and make a change. We did it and I was happier, then we did it again six years later. Sometimes the decisions you make at the time are for the right reasons but in the end, aren't what's going to make you happy. It took being honest with myself and then with my husband for us to make the change. You will figure it out. Just remember, a happy mother makes for a happy family.
ReplyDeletehope you find your happy--love the picture.
ReplyDeleteI don't think happiness is something that the universe lets you have, I think you choose it and create it yourself. If you sit around waiting for someone or something else to maky you happy, you're going to end up with a big ol' butt and not a lot of happiness! Choose happy, and then BE happy!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful image.
ReplyDeleteMy best inspiration is that before you can blink three has become four and life has become easier again. Don't let them kid you about the twos, it's the threes that are the killer ;). Hang in there, this (funk) too shall pass.
May you find all the happiness in the world. Life, well what is their to say about it, we experience it all and we keep moving foward, be strong and think happy thoughts, at times it may all seem like the sorrow is never ending or the struggle of our daily lifes but look deeper within, see all the good within yourself and with life itself. Behind every sorrow lies reason and happiness if you desire it. It is easier said than done but only one can look deep within all the layers and release the goodness in us regardless of how hard it may be. And believe me it aint easy but than again what is easy.
ReplyDeleteSending positive vibes your way...
ReplyDeleteHope you find you happy soon. ((hugs))
ReplyDelete