On Blogging And Stuff

I've been doing a lot of re-evaluating lately, trying to figure things out... because so much has changed from even 4 months ago. I've been even thinking about letting this blog go... shutting it down. Or just not coming back to it. (I know, that'd make me a big abandoner. Such a sucky thing to do.) But I just wasn't "feeling it" anymore.

I wonder if I'm cut out for blogging. I think a person has to really "be" there to be a good blogger. Reveal a bit about yourself, let others in. I know I've talked about stuff, put stuff out there, and probably danced too far over on the TMI line occasionally. But not lately. I realize I've been hiding behind my photos ... not saying a lot.

Not being open.

Nobody likes a book in which the author doesn't reveal a bit about him/herself in it. There's no passion in it; no art; no creativity.

But that's how I've been feeling a lot recently: nothing to say. Not sure what to say, more precisely. Which also leads to how I've been lurking a lot on my favorite blogs. Reading, thinking I need to comment, but just not feeling like it. Then moving on. Then coming back days later to say something. How lame is that?!

Things change. (How profound, eh? Geez!) But they do. And funnily enough, they change back. I'm more the same person I was years ago. Just older. Grayer. Fatter. (Yikes!) And I guess I'm happy again. I mean, I've always been a bit of a fatalist... in the sense of: things are what they are and let's just move on... with a bit of bitching and griping in there, of course. A realist, not to be confused with a pessimist: I prepare for the worst and hope for the best. (But secretly think the worst will actually happen, and being therefore prepared for it, will not be too surprised or disappointed. I mean, the optimists are the ones who set themselves up for disappointment, don't you think? Hell-ooo! Things are not always unicorns and butterflies pooping out rainbows!)

I think I went off on a tangent. Where was I?

...

Oh yes. Happy. Well, as happy as a fatalistic realist can realistically expect to be. (Notice how I didn't say hope? Oh, you did. Well... good.) Or, I should say I'm re-learning to be happy. Cuz I used to be pretty darn happy... in my own neurotic fatalistic way. Not that this has much bearing on anything important except that this blog was my own little "happy" place, a place to vent feelings (if I ever had any) or spew complaints (of which I had a lot!).

But the thing is: now I don't really have any complaints. Except I still can't have coffee because it does a number on my nerves. Or that it's raining a bit too much. Or that we moved here at the wrong time of year, so we'll have to spend the summer without a lot of people to hang out with (because we really don't know people here and I'm like, seriously, painfully shy with meeting people cuz I'm a class-A, number 1 dweeb). Or that because of this, I have to entertain my son.

Can someone slap me? Please?!

For one minute, I'm going to count my blessings. (Sorry if this makes you puke. I will probably vomit a little in my mouth as I type this, but hey, spew happens.)

1. I don't need coffee. Ha! I drink tea. Same thing. But different.

2. Rain! We have rain! And thunderstorms! Which I not-so-secretly *heart*. (There. I threw up a bit in my mouth.) Also, this area I live in tends to lean more on the drought side in the summer, so rain is good.

3. We moved. We frickin' finally moved out of hell-itself and back here to the west! (This isn't to disparage the east or the people who live there or love it. It just wasn't my home, so therefore, my own little self-imposed hell.) And this is helluva lot more suited to me. Just the air feels good and makes me happy. And there's so much more sun out here that I'm in danger of a sunburn. And my hair is blonde again. (!) And that, like, is so, like, better.

4. I have a perfectly healthy (except for the dairy intolerance) beautiful boy. He's funny and charming and tries so hard to please (when he's not all crabby from being overtired or under-entertained or over-sugared). He's a sweetie.

So I guess if I'm going to keep this blog I need to either: A) find something else to complain about, or B) find some other reason to blog. Any ideas?

Maybe next blog post title: My house is too big, I'm too beautiful and I have too much money.