What's With All This Resolution Stuff?

Today I've been reading some great blogs and some great bloggers making great new years resolutions. The thing is: I can't get on board.

I admit: I've never seen the logic of it... making promises to yourself to do better for a new start. Okay, actually, yes, I see the logic of that. After all, every time I fall flat on my face (i.e. every other day (at least)) I make a new resolution to try harder/do better/be... more... more of what I need to be, for both myself and my son.

In the past I have made half-hearted resolutions occasionally. But never with any serious intention. It's always been like visiting a forgetful, crotchety old great-aunt, twice removed, that you rarely see: you do because it's expected of you, but your heart isn't really in it and you have no expectations of anything significant to come of it. But you do it. And I made some resolutions in the past, same usual thing that most people do (eat less chocolate, lose weight, make more money or better grades or be more philanthropic), but knowing full well that I'm going to completely fail because I just don't BELIEVE in it. The power of the resolution sadly does not lie within me.

I also do not necessarily believe in making resolutions that are obviously going to work (eat MORE chocolate, spend LESS time worrying about housework, and playing MORE with my son). That's just stating the obvious. It's a fun game, but it's not my game to play; it just doesn't interest me. (I'm a very boring person.)

I don't intend to either eat less or more chocolate. I don't intend to gain or lose weight. I don't intend to change my hairstyle (... that's just happens more on a whim, usually regretful whim). I don't have any grand aspirations other than to sell my house and move to a place better suited to us, and that doesn't count as a resolution now, does it?

And so there are no resolutions this year. After all, I'm a realist. I know that my past patterns of behavior are going to point the way to my future actions, and all my best intentions are going to do is hopefully guide my focus to improving (slightly) the things in my life that need to be improved. Just my life. As I am.

So here I am. Wacked. Flawed. Photographing. Playing. Sometimes doing dishes and laundry. (Sometimes making laundry soap.) Doing the same things that I've been doing all year. Each day trying to do a little better, as I have done each day in the past, and as I intend to do each day in the future.

And maybe accepting the things in my life and myself a little better that I've been critical of and fighting.

Oh, wait. That sounds like a resolution..... Damn.

(Sigh.) Better luck next year.