One Winter Past

This is one of my favourite photos of my boy... it's from last year.

I used this photo for his 9th birthday party.  I printed it out very LARGE and had all his guests sign it.
It was a great day.

As for being a favourite, photo.... I don't know if it's the smile on his face.

 Or the hair.

 Or the fact that it was a sunny day in winter.  I hate winter.  Did I ever mention how much I hate winter?  Except for sunny warmish days in winter.  Those are okay.

Nope,  I think it's the hair.

 Definitely the hair.

Jump!

Hi there.  Yes, it's me... I'm back from having my head in the garden or behind the lens.  That's a good thing... to be doing all that.  And it's a good thing to relax after doing all that.  But wait... those are supposed to be relaxing...

There have been some developments on the old homestead.  But I'm not going to get into that right now... that's for another day. Very soon.

Instead, I want to jump right into something else.

Something about a cute boy.

Being cute.

Here he is.



That's a roof he's jumping off.




But before you get all over-protective and call for help, you have to know that I was crouched on the ground.




Because the roof is all that's left of a little playhouse we had made for him.

And it's approximately 3 and 1/2 feet high.

So I'm not entirely crazy and neglectful and putting-my-child-in-harms-way for a photo. Just so you know.

And of course, because he's worked so hard at it.  Another jump.



Impressive air, in all of them.

We have fun around here.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

June passed in a blur, and now we're almost halfway through July.  I've noticed the older I get the faster time goes by.  If I blink now it'll be Christmas tomorrow.

Before I knew it, the school year was over.

In a blur of activity (and a school-wide water fight), he finished grade 1.  With a little less activity, but no less excitement, I finished another year of counseling elementary students.

Then we did a little of this...

... and a little bit more of this...

... and then some of this.

Actually, quite a lot of this.

Because?  Look at this:

Oh yes, we're already eating this.  That's something because this is the cold white north.  We've been eating lettuce for a while now, and we've got more on the go.  I've tripled my vegetable planting area this year, and it's keeping me busy.  I also have plans for more next year.  Some people might say I'm outta control.




But I don't think so.  At least, I'm not the only one loving the garden.

No Rainbow Unicorns Found Here Today

A lot of what has kept me from putting personal stuff out here is the nature of some of my thoughts.  I don't want to come across as complaining, nor as a "Negative Nellie", however sometimes things are not always rainbow-coloured unicorns pooping out golden leprechauns.  As much as I would like that to happen, somehow it just doesn't.  (Which is probably for the best because that sounds painful.)

The rational view is that life is a mix of the two, or even somewhere on the great bell curve of life that falls between disaster and the above-mentioned unicorn.

That was today.

Aside from the traditional Mother's Day festivities that somehow always seem to involve me getting the boy to pick out his favorite things to do and then spending the whole day doing that, unpleasant things creep in.  The one that has me most uncomfortably saddened is the quality of some of my neighbours in this community.  Apart from the great neighbour right-next-door who is kind and helpful and pleasant, that is.

Today the windstorm blew my patio umbrella over.  I know, I know; first-world problems.  Not a big deal.  Not even a big deal that it broke.  What upset me was as I was struggling to upright the umbrella and it's 30 pound weighted base from where it was wedged under the deck to perch it back up over a 5 ft deck railing, one family of neighbours was walking past, saw me struggling, and kept going.  On their way over to visit another neighbour 2 doors down.  Both families with whom we used to hang out but who have been, over the past 6 months, pointedly leaving us out of the neighbourhood potluck get-togethers.  Our kids all play together.  We used to have coffee together, and dinners together, and help each other out.

Now – nothing.

Not a word.  Not a helping hand.  Nothing.

It's as if I don't exist to them.  And I have yet to find out what I did that was so horrible that they want nothing to do with us.

I tried really hard to be friendly.  (Not so easy for a socially awkward, not to mention very shy and timid introvert.)  I introduced one family to another, overcoming much resistance and apathy to meeting on both sides.  Just to be clear, it was more coaxing on my part than pushiness.  I drank more coffee than I would have liked because drinking coffee was their thing, and keeping my insulin level under control is easier with less caffeine.  I started drinking alcohol again with them even though I felt better off it, because drinking alcohol, and lots of it, was their thing,  And apparently I was more fun when I drank.  And I'm apparently weak enough to fall to pressure.

Today, I just don't feel a part of this neighbourhood.  I don't feel that I fit in.  (And I'm way too old to be feeling this way.)  Unfortunately it's easy to let it bother me.  Having a real friend close by would make all the difference, but I don't.

As much as I had a great time going to the skatepark, twice, with my little scooter-head, bowling and pizza (we cheated on our diets today), and finally to the ice cream parlour (did I mention the dietary cheating?), I'm left feeling a little sad.

Reading what I'm writing here, I realize what I'm actually sad about goes beyond neighbours being rude and unneighbourly ... is that I let this ridiculous situation bother me.  I'm sad that I let these neighbours – who clearly don't like me for who I am and push me to do what I'm not comfortable doing and won't accept me if I don't – affect me this way.  I'm sad that I'm not stronger and tougher with thicker skin.  I'm beyond sad lately; I'm pathetic.  I've let this bother me for too long.  This has been a monkey on my back all winter, and a reason for part of the Blahs that I'm trying to shake off.

As I watch our other neighbour, the nice one, put his house up for sale because of issues he's also having on this street (ones that so far have not gone away despite his efforts), I'm thinking maybe he's on to something...

A Moment

This moment is brought to you by ... my heart.

Shorty

A funny thing happened on my way to bed tonight.  I sat down at the computer for "one last look".  One last Scrabble game with someone who lives 5 hours away.  One last cruise around looking for... an excuse not to go to bed.  Only, I'm tired and looking forward to sleep.

You know how it goes.

One thing leads to another and then two hours have passed and you realize those are two hours you aren't going to get back from "Pinterest, You Are Drunk".

Ahem.



Isn't that just too cute?  I've been looking forward to this... and dreading it... for months.  We're all a little disappointed here that it came a few weeks too late to be able to sing THAT song at Christmas.  Because that would have been awesome.

So, along in my nighttime meanderings.... I come across this doozy.  Of course I had to post it.  You know.

The resemblance is uncanny, no?

(For a really special treat, I give you this:  

Snort.)

A Story In Pictures

I love photography.




I admit it: I love taking pictures.

I'd like to call myself a photographer, but I feel like a poseur.  It doesn't seem enough to call myself a hobbyist, and it almost feels demeaning to call myself "Mom With A Camera" (MWAC), as I've heard it termed.  I'm more than a mom.  I'm more than a hobbyist.  I want to photograph people and get paid for it.  But I don't want to deal with a business.  So, that has me shooting myself in the foot.

I want to focus (pun intended) on taking beautiful photos.  And exciting photos.  And poignant photos. Pretty much any kind of photo except a gosh-awful photo.




I think about what I've learned, and what I've done.  And I worry.

I don't, however, take advantage of every opportunity to photograph because I lack confidence.

Fear holds me back.

Low lighting?  Busy and hectic?  Will I have a photo opportunity at all?  What if I fail?




I don't think I can take a good photo in some situations, so I don't even try.  This fear prevents me from even picking up the camera some days.  I become discouraged and don't touch it for days or even weeks.

Then one day I realize how much I'm missing out on, the memories of Evan that I have but that I want to see in pictures too, and I rush for it only to find my insecurity has increased. And my eye for the moment is gone.

It's scary to reach, again, past the fear.  To try to remember that I'm okay.

That it's good to fail sometimes, because those failures teach me something new... something I've missed.  And most importantly, what IF I fail?  So what?  What's the worst that could happen... in the words of Bob Ross: a happy accident?

That's when I realize I've missed the whole point ...

that... inspiration can find me anywhere...anytime,

and I won't know until I try to reach for the moment.

Chaos and Renewal

So.

Much has in fact been happening here.  And more is destined to happen.  Because that's the way life is... it goes on.

First off.  A major disappointment this winter.  I was all set to acquire the amazing new Canon 6D... something I've been craving for some time since I first heard about it last summer.  But.  (Of course there's a but.  There's always a but.) The cat needed major surgery and the car needed silly things like new tires and alignments and other such extravagances.  Apparently, here in Canada, you sometimes want frivolities like treads on your tires to stay on icy roads.  Whatever.

So.  The camera stays safely in the camera shop.  And I stay safely the exact same amount poorer AND camera-free.

But the cat's happy and so is the driver of the car.

Continuing working with the old camera I have (while I save up again) can be a good thing.  I will start improving again and become a better photographer with what I have and when I get the 6D I will be awesome.  Isn't that nice to imagine?

I discovered a couple months ago that I really haven't made the best use of my camera.  I think I was looking forward to the new one too much, and I kinda gave up on the old one.  I didn't take as many pictures as I should have.  I've missed out on a lot.

Christmas itself was a mess... the dad had the stomach flu (we had already gone through THAT a couple weeks before and were already recovered), but I had many distractions at Christmas, and I did not bring out my camera even once.  Not at all.  Not when family was here, or at Christmas eve or Christmas morning.  Nothing.  Bad me.  Bad bad bad me.

When the family was here (brother, sister and their spouses), it was hectic and chaotic and busy.  First, there were delays and some people were late.  Then there was a (sort of) oven fire when the element burnt out in the middle of preparing the roast bird.  We actually kept the bird cooking on the stovetop while the men ran out to the next town (!) to get the only element available for our stove in a 200 kilometre radius.  Yes, at least Maytag has a parts tracking service.  (By the way, that's why the Maytag repairman on television is so bored with nothing to do... you do it yourself!  Not a fan of Maytag.  Not even close.)  But peace and joy reigned for the Christmas dinner and the bird was roasted and delicious.  And then we rushed off to the boy's hockey game... which turned out to be not a game, but a family skate because of the holiday.  Who knew?  But of course, the camera lay forgotten who-knows-where and now my shame is made public.

So.  This brings me to a goal for this year.  There will be no resolutions.  I once made a resolution to never make new years resolutions so I have to abide by that resolution.  Ironic, eh?  There will be no 365 commitment, because I'm lazy and undisciplined.  As that's part of my personal charm, I must not tinker with it because that's all I've got going for me.  So, um, the goal.  I plan to take more photos.  That's all.  I will try to do it daily, but not stress if I can't.  After all, life does have a ... life ... of it's own and the unpredictable will inevitably happen even when I try to predict it.



That's all.  But that's enough.

And I will try to post more here.  More than once a month, which it appears is the most I got to last year.  Not much of a goal, but still something.  After all it's about baby steps.

And I do have words.  Lots of them to say, and it appears as if they're ready to be released on their own into the wild.

As does the boy.

All Is Right

Whew!  I have a few moments in which I sat down and didn't have anything to do.

Okay I lied.  I need to be making supper, but I sat down.  After on the run all day.  And now I'm procrastinating.  But only because I was reminiscing a few days ago and rediscovered some photos of the boy that made my heart sing and put a smile on my face.  And I just had to share them.

This was when he was 4.




And he had "that hair".




4 was hard.  4 was wonderful.  His smile melts my heart and makes me feel that all is right with the world.

But ...



... 6 is good too.  And his smile still makes everything okay.

Mythical Creatures

Did you know you can find mer-boys in Canadian lakes?  No lie.  I saw one myself.



A sasquatch or Ogopogo would have been more impressive, but you take what you get.

Breathe

It's that moment.

Days can be busy, hectic, frustrating. Honestly, they are. I'm sure most parents can attest to that.

But we also have our moments. The moment everything falls into place.... Time slows down. We take a breath.

And then we exhale.

Here it is.

The moments are flying by. Wasn't I preparing for Christmas just yesterday? When did winter even start? I can't believe my boy has been in Kindergarten for almost 5 whole months!

Yesterday, it all came crashing down.

He told me about a dream he had... that his tooth was loose and came out. While he was speaking, I noticed something funny about his mouth. I asked him to open his mouth and took a look.

I reached in and wiggled it. It moved.

His first loose tooth.

Just sitting there innocently, moving every so slightly in and out.

Time stopped for ever such a short while.

While he might be pleased about it, I'm not that thrilled. It means he's growing up. And I'm not ready for it.

He's kind, funny, excited about... well, everything. He's outgoing and emotional. He's happy. He makes friends like nobody's business. He's a boy on the go with things to do.

And now it's hit home... again... how quickly he's growing up.

Seize the day. Yeah, right. It's all I can do to hold on to these moments, even for another moment.

All I can do today is just... breathe.

When You Have This Much Hair, You Don't Go To A Barber

And Then I Was Forced To Do Nothing

I haven't been here much lately. October is flying by, and my thoughts are rarely in the here-and-now. Even when I'm not busy, my thoughts are full of what is going to happen next, my plans, my shoulds, my need-to's. When I have slowed down and emptied my brain, I consume books. The local librarians know me by name and chat about stuff like we're friends. Which, I guess we might be given my love of books and the fact that I'm in there several times a week.

But I was forced to slow down today. See, I got sick.

Now I've been sick before. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several years ago. But in the last six months or so, I think I've been getting better. Due to a strange series of events, I cut out gluten and gratuitous starches from my diet. Guess what. I have no fibro symptoms. I've been healthy. Feeling better than I have in years. (Despite the fact that there are no exclamation marks used here, it's only because I'm typically not an exclamation mark kind of girl. These statements totally deserve exclamation marks, so feel free to imagine them.) It's a freedom I didn't expect to experience again. Especially since the way it's impacted my life: I'm on the go again, doing stuff, having energy, no pain, clearer headed.

And now I'm sick. Again. But not with fibro. I have a cold... a head cold with laryngitis. So it's a day that's lately unusual for me, where I'm forced to do nothing.

I don't know if I can handle it.

As a distraction, and let's face it, nothing more than a photo of wacky awesomeness, here's something I'm proud of:

My boy fighting the dark side of the force in his pjs, sweater and Canadiana touque. So, what if he doesn't know one end of his light saber from another? He's still on the light side.

And here, because it's too awesome NOT to share.

Happy stay-at-home-and-do-nothing-all-day Thursday.

If He Was A Girl I'd Call Him Heidi

He's so at home in the mountains.

Exploring is first-nature to him.

I guess that means adventure is second-nature...

He still picks flowers with the best of them.

See?

But when it comes to the mountains, surrounded by rock walls and cliffs...

Yodeling is where it's at!

Adventure-Boy, 2011. Coming to a theatre near you!

This Summer Is Shaping Up To Be Pretty Darn Cute

Just realized I haven't posted any gratuitous cute boy shots in days! That needs some serious attention. And since I haven't taken any breakfast pictures lately, this will have to do.

Here's another scenario for you...

He sees something off in the distance across an acreage he's visiting in Alberta.

He approaches the wriggling bundles of sunshine.

They lay eyes on each other.

It's love at first sight.

.....

Time passes.

.....

He finally pulls himself away.

Now what's he up to?

Ahhhh! It's a pig thing.

More specifically, it's a pig named Porkchop. Isn't he pretty? See his long long eyelashes? There's no eyelashes longer than adorable farm animals and little boys.

Oh, and he likes to eat.

And eat.

And eat some more.

Happy summer!

Oatmeal Makes Me Strong

Relaxing At The Lake

(In the spirit of improving my skills at photography, all shots are SOOC -- straight out of camera -- with no editing... except for the occasional crop.)