Last Day of 2015

Yikes! After tonight the year is over.

People tend at this time of year to look back over the past 365 days and evaluate it... attempt to summarize it... even make promises or goals for the coming year.  I respect that.  I'm just not one to do that.

I don't mean to be flippant here, really.  I don't.  It's just not me.  I get bogged down in morose aspects of it, relive embarrassing moments wherein I want to hide away from society altogether, or cringe with regret about my thoughtless antics.

You see, I'm flawed.  I have regrets.  I make mistakes.  But those don't discount all the good that exists either.  So instead of getting caught up in the past year, I'm focusing on the present... what's good in it that grounds me, anchors me, keeps me here.

Happy New Year!

Pretty People

All I can say about what I've learned along the way is that, all other photography skills aside, it's easier photographing beautiful people. And I've been quite fortunate to have been able to almost exclusively photograph beautiful people. Lucky photographer am I!

Don't believe me?  Check out my last post.  Or check out the photos here:

Adorable, right?

I don't lie about things like this.  Other things, yes.  This? No.

I mean, look at them!  They enjoy having their pictures taken, too, so it's a double-win to me.

Starting Again

Well.  It's been a couple of years since I last wrote anything here or shared a photo.  I don't know where time goes!

I know I've been distracted by life; my focus the past few years has been on health, through learning about nutrition, cooking and baking healthier recipes (even developed several of my own), gardening, and exercise.  Unfortunately that has allowed some things, like this internet space and even my photography, to take a back seat.

As a (very casual) hobbyist my photography is still here.  Fortunately I have some friends who like to make use of my skills, which makes me incredibly happy.  I think I'll start out here again with sharing some recent images.

Thoughts 'N Stuff

Oooh, thoughts!  I has 'em!

It's the getting serious and writing them down and, for goodness sakes, actually thinking about them a little bit.  Who has time for that?

I will get around to it, my pretties.  I will.  In the meantime, take this with you...



... if I was still on that ferryboat, I'd have time for all this.

Catching Up

Or this post can also be entitled: The Crazy $h!t That Goes On In My Days.  It just doesn't sound right, though.  But here I am, with all kinds of crazy ....

* Had a whirlwind trip of over 2,500 kilometres out of province to a beautiful, slightly tropical place just to get the heck away from winter.  In late April.  I know.

* Took up running this week.  By mistake.  I found that I've been almost too late to pick up my son from school – 5 blocks away – because my time management skills apparently need tweaking, and he loves to walk.  So, I race home from work (a one hour commute each way), drop the car off at home, and walk up to the school to meet him.  He is only in grade one after all; he still gets scared if I'm not there on time.  So, I've had to run.  I suck at it.  But I'm also conversely enjoying it.  So I'm making it an intentional thing and, surprisingly, it's not scaring me off it.

* I'm interrupting the writing of this post to continue with my 30-day squat challenge while I watch a new episode of The Big Bang Theory.  (I'm on day 11.)  Life doesn't get better than this.  I know.

* And... I'm back.  In more ways than just finishing my exercising/TBBT episode watching:  I'm well on my way back from a sub-clinical case of The Blahs.  As a professional counselor, I can truly say I was well on my way into The Blechs, heading south through Bored, Lethargic, Apathetic and Morose, and on the fast train to Depressed.  Luckily, the trip, the weather, the exercise, and getting back on my healthy diet all helped to change things around.

* I was gaining weight big time.  No pun intended.  I went up a whole size plus.  Which was scary for me because I worked so hard at being healthy and getting to a comfortable weight for me.  Which was out of control before I got healthy.

* Part of the reason it was going that way, and probably contributing to The Blahs, was the sugar I was starting to eat again.  Oh, it started out innocently enough with some risotto, which I justified because it had delicious turkey bacon and parmesan cheese in it.  But then, I had a bit of pie (with gluten-free crust of course), and then a taste of ice cream, and then another taste of ice cream, and then I ate my way through an ice cream truck.

* My sugar and carb cravings are almost completely gone, and now I'm craving salad and salt.  Not always at different times.

* I'm really enjoying my work with the students I counsel.  At least, I feel more comfortable in that hat, it's coming again a bit more naturally my 3rd year in, after being "out of the game" for several years.

* I'm also enjoying my volunteer time at my son's school.  Kids not related to me talk to me all the time whenever I'm there.  One hugged me once.  It's strangely weird.

* I'm trying to photograph more and edit more of what I photograph.  Needless to say, The Blahs have me backlogged on that, and it's doubtful I'll actually catch up.

* Most of my garden is planted.  Now I'm such an impatient person that, while it's been less than a week, I'm all in a panic because nothing has sprouted yet.  Still need some work on chilling out.  I'm just so excited that it's spring and I can garden!

And... I think that catches me up.  For now.

But, because it just doesn't feel right to not have a photo...




There were a few seagulls keeping pace with the ferry on our way to Vancouver Island, and one in particular was coasting on the air currents coming off the boat.  It was fantastic, sailing in the air so close to where I was standing at the bow.  I had to catch it, and this is only one of several shots.  I may show more... in time.

Tulips In A Row

That's all I wanted to say.

Untitled Blossom Photo Just Because

A close-up of the tree blossoms that have me captivated.

I feel like I should name her.





I'll call her Reba.

Tree In Bloom

I'm busy in the garden today... so busy that I find myself here.  On the computer.  Playing with photos.

It's all right, really.  The photos are of ... garden stuff.  Oh, and that's my excuse for my recent Pinterest browsing.

Seeing as my second cup of coffee has now hit my head and fingers and I'm barely sitting still here, I had better be off.  To plant mint plants under my back deck.  Because that's what I do.

But.

Here's a pretty picture of some kind of blossom at Butchart Gardens.  You're welcome.

Stepping Back

I've been a bit unsettled lately ... and didn't know why.  Maybe it's not having enough time to do things.  Maybe it's not having enough exciting projects to do.  Maybe it's too much of the unfun stuff to do.  Maybe it's winter.

But mostly I think I'm not happy with my photography and feeling uninspired, feeling like it's not going where I want it to go.  It's a feeling of being stuck and not knowing what to do next.

As a something-to-do, I put up a handful of photos at Clickin Moms  for some serious critiquing.  It needed it.  I needed it.  I received some awesome feedback that, while they didn't pull the punches, it wasn't as hard to take as I thought.

They were right.  Everything they said made sense.

And I knew something else.  I need to take a step back.  (That was the feedback from some... take a step back so we can see more, too closed in, need more space...)

But I need to step back from my photography.  Really take a good look at what I'm doing, what I want to do with it, what I need to work on, and the improvements in my skill level.  All that needs to happen before I even look at where I want to go with it.

I also realized that while I'm nowhere in a league close to some photographers I admire, like Jess from Old Nichols Farm or Praveen from Zoom Life Productions or Kat or Jill or Charmaine or any number of other photographers.

But I do want to tell a story with my photos.  Frankly, it's not all about portraiture or what sells that I like.  I like the little things, the everyday things that I want to remember.  I want to see these memories that are not static polite smiles.  I want the smirks, the laughter, the tears, the daydream.  I want the messes as well as the picture-perfect moments.



And I feel drawn to try things on my own that have been tried before and may be cliche, but I haven't done them so I want to do them.  All part of learning, right?  I feel drawn to try some artsy stuff.  No matter how much it's been done before.  I haven't done it.  And I want to.  I want to experiment and push myself in that way.  And I will do it.



One thing I do know.  I am NOT a business person.  I don't want to focus on a business right now.  That's not to say I won't in the future or I'm incapable of mastering this challenge.  It's not what I want right now, and it's most definitely not my focus.

My focus is the moment.  Whatever that is, or wherever it takes me.

A Story In Pictures

I love photography.




I admit it: I love taking pictures.

I'd like to call myself a photographer, but I feel like a poseur.  It doesn't seem enough to call myself a hobbyist, and it almost feels demeaning to call myself "Mom With A Camera" (MWAC), as I've heard it termed.  I'm more than a mom.  I'm more than a hobbyist.  I want to photograph people and get paid for it.  But I don't want to deal with a business.  So, that has me shooting myself in the foot.

I want to focus (pun intended) on taking beautiful photos.  And exciting photos.  And poignant photos. Pretty much any kind of photo except a gosh-awful photo.




I think about what I've learned, and what I've done.  And I worry.

I don't, however, take advantage of every opportunity to photograph because I lack confidence.

Fear holds me back.

Low lighting?  Busy and hectic?  Will I have a photo opportunity at all?  What if I fail?




I don't think I can take a good photo in some situations, so I don't even try.  This fear prevents me from even picking up the camera some days.  I become discouraged and don't touch it for days or even weeks.

Then one day I realize how much I'm missing out on, the memories of Evan that I have but that I want to see in pictures too, and I rush for it only to find my insecurity has increased. And my eye for the moment is gone.

It's scary to reach, again, past the fear.  To try to remember that I'm okay.

That it's good to fail sometimes, because those failures teach me something new... something I've missed.  And most importantly, what IF I fail?  So what?  What's the worst that could happen... in the words of Bob Ross: a happy accident?

That's when I realize I've missed the whole point ...

that... inspiration can find me anywhere...anytime,

and I won't know until I try to reach for the moment.

Chaos and Renewal

So.

Much has in fact been happening here.  And more is destined to happen.  Because that's the way life is... it goes on.

First off.  A major disappointment this winter.  I was all set to acquire the amazing new Canon 6D... something I've been craving for some time since I first heard about it last summer.  But.  (Of course there's a but.  There's always a but.) The cat needed major surgery and the car needed silly things like new tires and alignments and other such extravagances.  Apparently, here in Canada, you sometimes want frivolities like treads on your tires to stay on icy roads.  Whatever.

So.  The camera stays safely in the camera shop.  And I stay safely the exact same amount poorer AND camera-free.

But the cat's happy and so is the driver of the car.

Continuing working with the old camera I have (while I save up again) can be a good thing.  I will start improving again and become a better photographer with what I have and when I get the 6D I will be awesome.  Isn't that nice to imagine?

I discovered a couple months ago that I really haven't made the best use of my camera.  I think I was looking forward to the new one too much, and I kinda gave up on the old one.  I didn't take as many pictures as I should have.  I've missed out on a lot.

Christmas itself was a mess... the dad had the stomach flu (we had already gone through THAT a couple weeks before and were already recovered), but I had many distractions at Christmas, and I did not bring out my camera even once.  Not at all.  Not when family was here, or at Christmas eve or Christmas morning.  Nothing.  Bad me.  Bad bad bad me.

When the family was here (brother, sister and their spouses), it was hectic and chaotic and busy.  First, there were delays and some people were late.  Then there was a (sort of) oven fire when the element burnt out in the middle of preparing the roast bird.  We actually kept the bird cooking on the stovetop while the men ran out to the next town (!) to get the only element available for our stove in a 200 kilometre radius.  Yes, at least Maytag has a parts tracking service.  (By the way, that's why the Maytag repairman on television is so bored with nothing to do... you do it yourself!  Not a fan of Maytag.  Not even close.)  But peace and joy reigned for the Christmas dinner and the bird was roasted and delicious.  And then we rushed off to the boy's hockey game... which turned out to be not a game, but a family skate because of the holiday.  Who knew?  But of course, the camera lay forgotten who-knows-where and now my shame is made public.

So.  This brings me to a goal for this year.  There will be no resolutions.  I once made a resolution to never make new years resolutions so I have to abide by that resolution.  Ironic, eh?  There will be no 365 commitment, because I'm lazy and undisciplined.  As that's part of my personal charm, I must not tinker with it because that's all I've got going for me.  So, um, the goal.  I plan to take more photos.  That's all.  I will try to do it daily, but not stress if I can't.  After all, life does have a ... life ... of it's own and the unpredictable will inevitably happen even when I try to predict it.



That's all.  But that's enough.

And I will try to post more here.  More than once a month, which it appears is the most I got to last year.  Not much of a goal, but still something.  After all it's about baby steps.

And I do have words.  Lots of them to say, and it appears as if they're ready to be released on their own into the wild.

As does the boy.

New

Playing around with CS6 this morning.





Yes, you read that right.

Growing

Thank you for still being there!

* * * * * * *

Here's a bit of my growing things:



Yes, those are tomato plants.  They are so big, the branches are breaking.  Despite supports.  It's a good thing, I suppose.



And the sunflower the little guy planted:



He definitely is little next to it!

* * * * * * *

And I'm feeling good about starting to look at the world around me through my lens again.  Thank you for the warm welcome back.  It means much to me that I've connected and then reconnected back with some wonderful people.  It's good to be here.

Back At It Again

I've been taking some time to get things in order. I didn't know if I'd ever actually be back here. It seemed easiest and best to just put everything on the back burner and simply not worry about it.

Worked for me.

But here I am. Again.

Weird.

Not to be a show-off or anything. But I've been growing things. In my house.

Yes, I put a garden in my house. It's what I do. At least, what I do now.

Growing things. And finding cool old things to take pictures of.

So, new and old stuff.





Until next time...


(...because there probably will be a next time...)

The Light Of My Life

Something About Something

My Year In Review.

Based on the first sentence of the first blog post each month. (Thanks, Average Mom, for the idea.) Sounds tedious.

It is tedious.

It is also very eye-opening. Here it is: (you can click on each sentence to link to the post... but only if you need tedium in your life. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

January: Here's a cool idea I stumbled upon this morning in my online stalking browsing: the top 10 photos of '10.

February: I'm a fraidy-cat.

March: I just have to say that it has been wonderful seeing everyone behind the camera.

April: Well, I promised I would post the other edits, and I'm finally get around to it.

May: ..... (Photos only. How lame is that?)

June: ..... (Another photo. Still lame.)

July: ..... (I guess I really don't know words or stuff. What is up with using my camera to speak for me?!)

August: This morning I went outside to take a picture of the sky. (You've got to be kidding me. I take pictures, and now I've got to talk about it??? Enough with the pictures already!)

September: That's what I'm calling it. (About photos I took over the summer. Sheesh.)

October: More pretty pictures. (%$#@&*!!!)

November: Dear Autumn, (A pictorial letter.)

December: There's nothing like the love that parents feel for a little someone they haven't yet met... (About a maternity photo session.... *hangs head in shame*)

So..... turns out, if I'm not just posting photos, I'm talking about them. Or about taking them. Or editing them.

Photos on the brain. This is serious.

And now, looking ahead to 2012.... I've started a photo-a-day project: 365 Days of Inspiration.

Somebody shoot me now.

Beginnings

Celebrating Christmas brings a baby to mind. (Don't you think?)

Not that this baby was born on Christmas day.

(But then, neither was that one.)

Anyways.

Bringing us around to another celebration of life.

Celebrating beginnings.

Another new start.

Another new year.

A book of blank pages to write in.

A new set of dreams to believe in and follow. (Or give those trusty old ones a good dusting and polishing and follow them anew.)

However you want to look at it or unwrap it...

... it's about new hope.

Faith in a new day and a new year.

New beginnings.

What's new for you this year?

Coming Soon...

Stay tuned for more.

Bokeh Lights And Action

A shot taken yesterday... playing with last year's Christmas gift... (the bokeh lights are only one of my favorite things about this photo)...

(above image: SOOC)

Moments like these are what make my ordinary days extraordinary.

Gratuitous Chloe

She was especially cuddly this morning. How can you not love that?