Summary: hurricane, yellowjacket sting emergency with a ride in an ambulance, crabby preschooler, tropical storm, migraine, crabby preschooler. (The crabby preschooler is part of an on-going saga.)
I think it all caught up with me over the weekend, because I had one anxiety attack after another. It didn't help that these weather-related migraines (yes, it's true... look it up) are felt mainly in my face: sinuses and teeth. I have a dental phobia (which is pretty much anything having to do with teeth, especially a fear that they will just fall out of my head for no reason whatsoever [a side note: I've had my teeth checked many times and there's nothing wrong]) and that did NOT help my anxiety. I probably also had a touch of PTSD.
But after all, considering last week, who wouldn't.
There's stuff going on in my life that I'm not able to talk about right now because things need to happen first, and it's all about timing. Plus, just life in general... things I would love to change but can't right now, such as where I live. Then there's the things that just take time and I get impatient, such as finishing my studying. But yes, the stress gets to me at times.
One thing jumps out at me in particular. Something I should be able to change, but am having trouble. (This is where the confession comes in.) I'm a perfectionist. But not a very good one. I'm flawed... more than most people, I assume, but for whatever reason I have this need that things be perfect. Even though I know it's irrational and untrue.... I just can't stop it. (I figure this has everything to do with my childhood and never being able to please a bullying parent... or get her to love me.)
I guess it's just one of those times that I get to the point "can't just one thing go right?!" when my beautiful son acts up. Usually it's the listening thing. Then it escalates to doing ANYTHING right. I don't need to put that on him.... I don't want to stress him out.
No, he doesn't need to be perfect. HE knows that. Why do I need the reminder?!
Oh, I can SO relate to this post, especially the part about wanting to change things that can't be changed yet, and being impatient about other things that are not moving forward as quickly as I want. I was with a friend yesterday and she suggested meditation, I'm thinking I might give it a try...
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this post too. It probably why I have so much trouble letting mistakes go.
ReplyDeleteUgh, sorry to see you had such a tough week...and yes, totally understand the weather related migraines...hubby gets them all of the time whenever there are major weather fronts rolling through!
ReplyDeleteHere's to hoping things are looking up!
Perfectionism is a difficult thing to wrestle with...I do too!
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better around your house soon! :)
I'm sorry you're having such a rough week. I struggle with the perfection thing too-makes life so much more difficult than it needs to be.
ReplyDeleteI hope this week brings better things!
I can relate to your post...and stress is a good friend.....so glad that you stopped by
ReplyDeletewere you at my house last week? I actually had to go to the doctor OVER panic attacks..... I'll have to email you about it...
ReplyDeletehugs with your worries.... I'm thinking about you. Just breathe.