I have a question for you all: what do you know about park / playground politics? It's a term I heard today, and I don't know what this is about. We're new to the idea of just going to the park and playing and hoping to meet people. (It's a new world out here when you move to a place where you don't know anyone.)
Also, what do you do when you see inappropriate behavior amongst the children, and parents don't intervene?
Just yesterday, at an indoor play area (due to thunderstorms we weren't going OUTSIDE to play, if you know what I mean), it appeared that Evan was having a "bad day". Things just weren't going right and he was a bit emotional and upset at times. The word meltdown could be used here. Anyways, the point is that as I was watching him play I saw another child who was coming up to him and being unkind. In this instance, that means running his bike into Evan's bike repeatedly, and then later hitting him with a ball, with no explanation or apparent purpose. (This child appeared to be roughly the same size / age as my son.) My response? I intervened. I protected. I've done it before, I'll do it again. Is that wrong of me?
I did try to use the experience to guide Evan in his response to this kind of behavior, so he'll know how to deal with it next time. He is a great kid, and loves playing with other children. But he is not used to unkindness and it throws him, and he doesn't necessarily know what to do. But I do. Isn't that our job as parents? To guide? To protect?
(I just have to add here that I think bullying is particularly abhorrent, and learning this behavior starts early, with simple unkindnesses in a young child's interactions with others. Therefore, for me and my son, teaching simple kindnesses in his interactions also starts early. AND I'm planning on starting him in martial arts very soon. Just in case.)
It might make me a little unpopular on the playground, maybe. That's okay with me. It's my boy that's important, not the impression I'm making on everyone else. I'm resigned to being an interfering hen.
Cluck cluck.
(Now I'm having an identity crisis: am I a goose? or a hen? Hmmmm.......)
I'm a teacher, so obviously I have too hard a time telling other people's children what to do. Once at Explora (children's museum) in the Knee-High area (toddlers) a girl who was at least five kept kicking Brooklyn. The first time I saw it happen I picked Brooklyn up and moved her to another area. She started playing with another toddler and the five year came over and sat down. When Brooklyn reached for a toy the girl screamed at her and I said, "They were playing here first. If you can't play nicely with them you need to find somewhere else to play." I got a very nasty look from her mother, but, oh well. There have been times I've left Explora completely because a parent just can't seem to intervene and stop their child's aggressive behavior. I don't get it....I would be mortified if my child acted that way....Good for you for protecting your child :)
ReplyDeleteMore like a momma bear rightfully protecting her babies. It's been a long time since I've had to do this, but there were numerous moments when I had to discuss proper behavior with other people's children. Sometimes the mothers were nearby, usually they weren't. Most of these incidents involved me getting my sternest mommy face on and informing the bully that they would no longer hit, hurt or bully MY child. They seemed to back down pretty fast after that. None of them ever went running to mommy to "tell" on me. I think they knew that they'd just be telling on themselves.
ReplyDeleteI did have one kid question me about what I was going to do if he didn't stop. Since he was in MY front yard on MY property, I simply said that I could always call the police and report him. I doubt that I'd have done it, but he didn't know that and he slinked away to bully somewhere else.
Boy am I glad that those days are over!
Anyhow... you do what you have to do to protect your child. If speaking to the offender doesn't work, leaving the area, while not ideal is the other option. All in all, as long as Evan knows that he's safe, you've done your job.
You did the right thing. I have done that many, many times, and if a parent confronts me I just tell them, in as nice a way as possible, that the behaviour problematic and I intervened. Usually I try to make it seem like I just "got there first" and OF COURSE they would have done the same. This usually shames them a little.
ReplyDeleteBut if it continues, we leave... which is sad. Why should MY kids be punished for someone else's bad behaviour? But that is the way of it sometimes.
Anyhow, my point is -- keep doing what you are doing.
I've never heard of "playground politics" I thought "good manners" was all that was required to occupy a public place :)
ReplyDeleteI call myself the mother hen also, but usually I am protecting my boys from each other, ugh a daily battle.
ReplyDeleteBut if it were another child and the other parent didn't intervene, I certainly would.
You're right in line to interfere--ESPECIALLY if your kid is having a bad day. When that happens, I always pull my kid out of the line of fire. It's unfortunate when other kids are bullies. One thing you can do is to teach Evan to speak up for himself--a simple "Stop that!" or "You're not being nice!" goes a long way in most situations. But when it doesn't, then you definitely step in.
ReplyDeletetotally intervene and don't think twice. and send a little "aren't you going to do something about this" look at the other parent. At least that's what I do. Coaching him for next time sounds good too:)
ReplyDeleteI try to give the parent a chance to intervene but if they are not going to then I am. I hate parents who don't seem to parent when they are out.
ReplyDeleteI wait a little bit, but if the parent isn't doing anything, I totally step in and growl like a Mama Bear. I can't help it.
ReplyDeleteI think at Evan's age you absolutely have to step in. They're too young to "fight their own battles," and it's our job to model the correct behavior for them. I think there is a time when we should sit out, but when that time is ... I don't know??
ReplyDelete