Watch Out! She's About to Blow!!!

I'm a little angry. Not a lot. Just a little. I hate being sick. Hate it hate it hate it. I would like to put more emphasis on it, but am a little tired from the whole sick thing.

I'm not a wuss. I've had this cold for a week, and while I realize that it's not that long (for one of those long drawn-out 2 week affairs of sniffles sneezing and snot), it's more than long enough for me. I usually get sniffles for under a week, and NEVER have a cough. I simply won't allow it. (Goes back to traumatic childhood memories of hearing my dad cough for 3 years... straight... before finally succumbing to lung cancer.) And now I'm sicker than a dog. (Whatever that means.... I've never seen a sick dog, so I don't know. Now, I've seen sick cats--lot of 'em.)

But it's not that. I was finally feeling well again recently after being sick for so long. I had energy; I was gettin' stuff done... I was even kickboxing again. Well, doing some of the aerobic kickboxing exercises I used to do a long time ago. That counts for something, right? But the point is, I was better. You see, I've been "feeling unwell" for about 4 of the last 7 years... that's a long time... from this stupid fibromyalgia (or so my doctor says). From '02 through '04, and from late '06 to January '09. That's a lot. I went from being a fairly confident, energetic, interested, and active person who kickboxed and traveled regularly to someone who could barely get out of bed. (I've had symptoms of this condition since I was 19, but only experienced "life is unbearable" episodes for 4 years.) While the chronic pain was a bitch, it was the chronic fatigue that got me. And while I lost interest in doing things, it was the inertia I experienced that kicked it out of me. It was a slow decline, and I lost my ability to do things faster than my interest in doing them. So I was very confused and frustrated for a long time. I started getting better, and then "complications" of having a teething infant set off another "episode" that lasted for over 2 years.

There is no cure. There is no real treatment. There is a part of the medical community that doesn't believe it's a real condition. (There's a part of me that believes I don't even have it... that it's something else... something simple that nobody sees...) The only "treatment" that doctors (plural) have tried for me is anti-depressants. They have a theory that it helps with the same chemical reactions in the brain that contribute to the fibro. I can tell you: it doesn't work. Let me state it again just to be clear. It Does NOT Work. In fact, that "treatment" made me consistently worse; it not only worsened most of my fibro symptoms, it made me depressed. Yes, that's right, anti-depressants make me depressed. And I let the doctors try no less than 7 different ones over the years. Doesn't that say something? What kind of person gets depressed from anti-depressants? Someone who obviously doesn't need them! (Sorry. Sorry, just bitching here.)

So, yes, I'm just venting about the fact that I was finally feeling better and almost back to normal when this cold kicked me on my ass. I can't take traditional medicines for colds... anything from cough syrup to antibiotics sets off my fibro. So I can't treat cold symptoms like everyone else. I just have to use home remedies (hot lemon/honey tea, Vick's rub, and lots and lots of Advil) and wait it out. Wait and wait and wait.

I just can't wait until I kick this cold and can get back to getting myself better. That's all.
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