A Fairytale Or A Parable Or Something Like That

Once upon a time there was a bride. She was a bride who had been "rescued" from her former life by a "knight in shining armour" and then "swept away", far far away (to another country even), to live in his "kingdom" "happily ever after".

One day she was engaged in the very important task of preparing for a wedding... some might say the MOST important task: working out details with the caterer. For after all, what's a party without snacks? A party which has no guests, that's what!

Now, the caterer was a wily woman--a wise and learned woman in the lore of her people. She was not only the caterer, but the Manager and Overseer of the local community hall. (Ok, lets face it people, it was the ONLY community hall in this kingdom far far away.) She wielded such power that other lesser beings (mainly the peasants around her) did not interfere, but backed away, leaving her unchallenged to wield her power and cater, and most importantly, Oversee, in peace.

It was almost time for the wedding, being only weeks away, and while the local peasants assured the anxious bride that the catering was taken care of, the bride had yet to actually talk to the Overseer. So she made it a point one day to call her up.

"I would like to choose the menu for the reception," the bride informed the Overseer. "What are my options?"

"You can have Roast Beef dinner, Roast Turkey dinner, or Roast Chicken dinner," the Overseer replied.

Now the bride was not a big fan of red meat, so she decided to go with the roast chicken. The Overseer was not delighted by this request.

"How many people are coming?" inquired the Overseer.

Replied the bride, "Around 45." (For it was a smallish wedding and reception, but that is a fairytale for another day.)

"Them's too many people for a right chicken dinner." The Overseer stated confidently in her native tongue.

"Really? Too many? That's only, like, around 10 or 12 chickens." The bride argued her case eloquently.

"Too many." The wise Overseer responded with a brevity that bespoke the cleverness and eloquence of her people.

"Well, ok, then I'll have the roast beef dinner." The bride said. She did not like the thought of the turkey dinner, which would probably be too many animals for the Overseer to manage in light of her last argument, and also seemed too much like a Thanksgiving feast. After all, it was summer. She didn't think it was proper.

"Can't do no roast beef." the Overseer continued to share her wisdom.

"What?" asked the bride confusedly.

"Can't do no roast beef dinner." the Overseer stated, losing patience with the ignorant foreigner.

"Why not?" Really, by now, the bride's obtuseness was becoming embarrassing for herself and all those around her. Luckily, there was no one else around in this shiny new kingdom far far away.

"We just don't do that." Simplicity in communication, the Overseer continued respond impatiently, and indeed, sharply.

"Well, then, why did you offer it?" the bride's confusion increased breath by breath, along with her blood pressure and sense of unreality. (This poor foreigner just really needed to get a clue. I'm embarrassed for her. Truly I am.)

There was no response from the Overseer. The bride herself was starting to feel the agitation and embarrassment of a touchy situation gone awry. She began to sweat. (After all, she wasn't a princess, so she's allowed to sweat in this fairytale.)

"Okay, Overseer, what can I have then?" the bride reached frantically for a shred of dignity and politeness.

"Turkey dinner," the Overseer responded shortly.

The bride sighed. She did not want turkey, but she was the foreigner here, and their customs were not her customs, but she also realized she was not ruled by their years of wisdom either. She gave in.

"Alright, turkey then," she gulped. "Sounds good." She hesitated, fearing the worst. "What does it come with?"

"Potato, vegetable and cole slaw." The Overseer did not bend by now to courtesy, as this benighted foolish girl from far far away was on her last nerve. Questioning her wisdom and culture, indeed!

"Oh," the poor sweating bride said, hoping to salvage this wedding dinner somehow. "Ok. I'll have herbed roasted potatoes, asparagus with lemon, and the cole slaw." She had hear from the family of the "knight in shining armour" that this cole slaw was legendary, and was scrambling in her own clumsy, uncouth way to make amends for her great naivete and create a bond of peace with the Overseer-- to make her wedding reception all that it could be... and just smooth things over.

More silence from the Overseer.

"Overseer? Are you there?" the bride squeaked timidly amid a fresh burst of sweating.

"Asparagus? What's asparagus?" the derision dripped from the Overseer's tone.

"You've never heard of asparagus?" The bride by now was in such a dumbfounded state that she lost all sense of reasoning and gave way to her lesser emotions. Fear and terror crept into her mind.

"I've never seen it. So I can't cook it." rejoined the Overseer with her prevailing wisdom.

"Green beans? With roasted pine nuts?" quailed the bride.

"Don't cook 'em."

"What vegetable side dish do you offer?"

"Peas 'n carrots."

"Peas and carrots?"

"Ya."

Sigh. The bride lost heart. "What about the potato.... wha- what k-kind?" She stammered.

"Mashed 'tatoes."

"M-m-m-mashed? So you're offering a traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner?" The bride's voice was by now quite high and squeaky and, let's face it, annoying. She pinched herself to see if she was in some terrible nightmare, in which she might finally wake up from. It was to her increasing horror that she realized it was no dream to wake from... no nightmare to be banished by the light of day... she was standing in the light of day, which now seemed as cold and heartless as the Overseer herself.

The finality in the Overseer's tone was unmistakable: "Yep. Roast turkey with stuffing, mashed 'tatoes 'n gravy, peas 'n carrots, 'n cole slaw."

The bride was beyond gibbering, so for the sake of her dignity let's end the story here, leaving her to further humiliate herself in peace, alone, in this land of "far far away".