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I'm frustrated beyond measure today with certain control freak people in my life who, through all good intentions, interfere with my self-esteem and mothering. While I'm not exactly a doormat (most of the time), I somehow give the illusion that I'm laying down screaming "welcome" while I get tramped on. I do try to say "no," but I guess I'm just not convincing enough.
The Boy must be having another growth spurt; I'm his mother, I recognize the symptoms: up half the night, needy, I had to sleep with him, he needed tylenol in the middle of the night, and he's inexplicably emotional and contrary today. And he's limping and says his knee hurts. As there is no bruising or swelling, no out-of-the-ordinary accidents, and cannot remember what made his knee hurt, I've deduced it's Something Else. Something that requires him to whine and cry and fuss about ALL the little things. (I mean, moreso than usual.) A phone call that he doesn't get to answer in time (because he can't run to the phone and get it) sends him spiralling over the edge to what he calls "the end of my world."
I understand. He needs extra patience and cuddles from me today. He's needs some time to chill and play with his playdough or that new marker set I've been hiding for a "rainy day". He needs his mom time.
What he got was Someone interfering because Someone else knows better what to do and how to handle it. I tried saying no and compromising (because I love a win-win), but somehow I just don't have a handle on working it out to my advantage. It's not the end of my world, but it IS a low point at the end of my week.... I just want to be with my boy.
I want to teach him to work through his frustrations, and that Mommy can take care of things just as well as you-know-who, if not better. I want him to know that he can have a bad day, for whatever reason, and still learn to turn it around into something good. (Okay, I know I'm not the poster child for THAT life philosophy, but I'm learning too.)
I want to be allowed to be the Mom I'm trying to be. Wacky or not.
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Found you at Carrie's blog..loved your name so had to come visit.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you're frustrated.
Cute picture of you boy.
You really don't come across as a giant doormat to me. Not even a little doormat. Sometimes, like us, the gremlins have a bad day. And on those days they need extra love and patience and understanding. My first needed much more of all of those things than my subsequent two (thank goodness!) And I had the time to give him everything he needed from me. At 12, it really shows. He's a great kid.
ReplyDeleteHang in there *hugs*