I love my little boy. It's hard sometimes, especially now in the preschooler years when his personality really starts to come out and I feel like: "who is this little stranger?" In the end, though, I do love him.
But it's hard when 15 minutes after waking up each day he's sucked me emotionally dry. What am I supposed to do with him when I have nothing left to give? I never thought parenting would be this difficult and complex. I thought I needed to feed, clothe and house him; to make sure he had positive activities to do each day, preferably educational and not too much tv; to expose him to different things and provide opportunities for him to play and socialize with others. I know there are other things, the list can go on and on and on. I mean, this is how I was raised.
So what's missing? I discipline, set boundaries and try to teach him whatever it is that he needs to get by in life. But still.... I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me the way he treats me. And the problem is, I'm supposed to take it and not flip out and tell him what I really think? Or better yet, just walk away and not have to deal with him anymore, like I would a person on the street who seriously disrespected me? Or someone who's looking for an argument: I'm not going to stick around and give them the satisfaction. So why do I have to do it at home?
I know why I have to be nice to him: he's my child. But how do I be nice to him when the little misdemeaners go on and on and on and really start adding up? How do I "suck it up" and be a nice mommy when I'm screaming at him inside?
Maybe it'd be different if I wasn't alone here. Maybe if I had a backup system other than the babysitter and his two-morning a week preschool. Maybe if I had a social network around here, or a partner, or someone... anyone... who knows what it's like to be raising a little boy alone.
How do you do it?
winn's window / koreen photography
- koreen (aka: winn)
- I'm a hobbyist photographer, a school counselor, a health junkie, and a mom. But above all, I'm just a woman living my truth. My biggest happiness in life is to savour each moment while it happens. That's all. That's everything.
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I know how difficult it is raising children with the help of a partner, and couldn't imagine not having some support. I really do sympathize.
ReplyDeleteDay by day.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when I'm the "not so nice Mommy" Heck... sometimes those can go on for weeks.
It is realizing it that helps with the first step of changing it.
Things I've done:
*Take a deep breath, get down on their level and say... "Hey... wanna help Mommy?.. Go get me a few books and you can teach me how to read today... I forgot."
Or
"Hey, wanna find a funny picture to color?"
"Hey... wanna play with shaving cream? (Put old shirt on child, spray shaving cream on the table in front of them and let them rub it in until it's all gone. It takes up time, tastes gross if they try to eat it, and just cleans the table :) "
Something to give you 15 minutes of reprieve to recollect yourself!
It's hard.. I know. I am a single mom of 6, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be sane :)
Thanks, guys. =)
ReplyDeleteHi WackyMummy - thanks for your comment on my blog (Inventing My Life)! I don't think you have to let your son treat you badly - is that how you want him to treat the women in his life when he is older? The best advice on parenting I ever got (caveat - I'm not a parent yet) was to make sure your kids understand that all action stops when mommy or daddy isn't happy. I have a lot more to say about it, but it would be too much for a comment...
ReplyDeleteYou have to remember that you can't always be perfect and calm. My Ewok hit the terrible twos running and he's been driving me nuts with it. I try to remain calm but I do flip out and yell and rant at him, it makes him cry, I feel like a shit, then we have a cuddle and all's well again. I finally made the decision to get him into a nursery one afternoon a week, he starts tomorrow, and I think it's going to be just as good for him as it's going to be for me.
ReplyDeleteSome days I despair of him every learning that 'no menas no' or to actually stop when I ask him to, and then suddenly he'll 'get it'. Then he goes back to the bad behaviour. But each time he 'gets it' for a little bit longer than before and then you know that you're getting there.
One of my girlfriends (single mom of 3) told me, "Fake it 'til you make it" and that's been my motto ever since. Kids are selfish little beasts, God love them for this, and don't notice most of the time when you're run-down, have a cold and are feeling sorry for yourself, worried about $$$$, whatever. Just keep going, you will be fine.
ReplyDeleteIt all gets waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier once they're in school.